Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it.
– Maya Angelou
Do you want to know something really crazy? For years, I’ve had this number, a weight, that I could *NOT* get under, no matter what I did.
At least that’s what I’ve told people.
The script went something like this- well that’s my natural plateau. That’s the weight my body is just naturally destined to be. I’m not sixteen anymore, I can’t get below that number without starving myself.
But here’s the truth:
The closer I got to that number, the more I would eat. Lots. Stuff that I knew would not help me lose the weight I said I wanted to lose. I would quit working out for a month or 3, gain 5 to 10 lbs back. Then I would try to lose it again.
There’s a word for this: self-sabotage.
My inability to get past that number was not physical; it was entirely mental. Deep down, in a place I buried so well it took me years of adulthood to even acknowledge it existed, I was telling myself this: You are not good enough to be that number. You are fat, you always will be fat. You should give up. You will never be pretty. You will never be anything better than what you are now, which is overweight and gross. And those terrible thoughts kept going on and on and on. So quietly, I wasn’t even really aware of them.
Until one day, I had an epiphany in a drive-thru. Why, if I was spending all this time in the gym was I about to eat the #5 combo in under 3 minutes? Answer: I was afraid to lose weight.
Sounds crazy right? Let me explain.
When you have been heavier for your whole adult life, it is incredibly hard to imagine yourself existing any other way. I experienced feelings of self-doubt and loathing so consistently, they became part of my normal routine. In a way, being heavy became an excuse for living down to expectations You set your goals low, because that’s the best a fat kid can do. If something didn’t work out, I blamed being fat: relationships, promotions, missed opportunities. “Well, I’m fat, what do you expect?”
This might sound obvious, but like I said, it took me years to acknowledge that I even subscribed to this kind of internal script.
And once I acknowledged it, I realized that until I silenced that script, I would never achieve the goals I said I wanted. That’s why weight loss is not just about exterior change, it has to be interior first.
It is not enough to ask for what you want – you have to be prepared to get it.
Truthfully, this kind of self-sabotaging behavior can happen in all realms of life, not just weight loss. The best advice I can give is to ask yourself, why can’t you reach that ultimate goal you have for yourself? Be as honest as possible. Understand that nearly all obstacles you can think of are NOT insurmountable. If you can’t afford something, you can re-prioritize your spending. If you are too busy, you can re-prioritize your time. If you don’t have the knowledge, you can educate yourself. What you need to figure out is why you are not doing all you are capable of to make your goals happen.
Get to work. And then when you start to succeed, you need to accept your own success. You need to acknowledge your hard work. You need to accept that good choices equal results, and because you have made good choices, you are deserving of those results.
If you are not prepared to get the thing you say you want, I promise you, whatever it is will be a hundred times harder to get. So today, I encourage you to take some time and reflect on how you can (as Bono would say) “tear down the walls that hold me inside.” Take a first step towards killing the script that is holding you back. If you can do that, I promise it will lead to real, sustainable success.
So that number, I haven’t been under in years… within the next two weeks, I will probably pass it in my weight loss journey. I’m not going to start eating chips and tortillas because I’m going to get scared – no! I know in my heart and mind that I deserve my success and that’s what makes this time different. So I will do the work, I will pass that number, revel in my success. Then I’ll keep going, and I won’t look back.